Howdy, sexy cats.
I am not easily offended. I have been through a lot of stuff, and I know what to invest my anger towards. I try not to let the words of others determine my mood. However, sometimes people get the best of me. Double however, I know that I am still responsible for my emotions. As I told a friend recently, stupid people are going to be stupid whether you get pissed off or not, but wouldn't you rather not be pissed off than be pissed off? Lately though, there has been a lot of people who are trying to be more sensitive, but in the end act like assholes. They aren't helping things, because they represent their side terribly, and most of all, they act like what someone says has power over them, rather than take responsible for their own emotions. Yes, people shouldn't say certain things to each other, but we must allow for freedom of speech. Evil people should be allowed to express themselves, for by allowing them to express themselves, we are able to understand them and learn to forgive them. That doesn't mean that we should teach kids racist material in schools, but if a celebrity says how much he hates Jews, I don't get my feathers ruffled, even if I am half-Jewish. I just make fun of anti-Semitism.
Things are getting out of hand now. Some Ivy League colleges are cutting rape law from the curriculum of their law schools, because students complained that the topic made them feel uncomfortable. You know who really feels uncomfortable in that situation? Someone who's been raped, but can't find a fucking lawyer, because everyone was too much of a pussy to do their job. And their excuse is always the same thing. "I had a traumatic experience once." I had a ton of traumatic experiences in my life. I grew up in a crackhouse. My mom is a paranoid schizophrenic and my father is a sociopath. I know what trauma is, but I don't let that stop me from doing things, because if I did, then I wouldn't be able to do anything. For instance, I have a scar on my right hand from when I was 2. My mom was high on methamphetamine while she was driving our family van (a real van, not one of those crappy minivans). I was sitting in the back without a seatbelt (again, my mom was high on meth and it was the 80's). My mother hit the side rail from the slow lane of the freeway; just outside of El Cajon, California. The van spun around and began to roll from one side of the freeway all the way over to the shoulder on the other side of the freeway. I flew in the air and somehow landed in a cupboard that sheltered me from the devastation. When we came to, my pinky finger was showing bone as some nails in the cupboard had poked me. An EMT came to help us and my mom yelled at him to get away, because she was high and thought that he was a devil worshipper there to eat my body. In the end, all I got was a little scar on my pinky and plenty of trauma. However, when the neighborhood weirdo comes by, I don't say, "I'm sorry, Mister, but I can't get into your van, because I had a traumatic experience in a van once..." NO! I gets my candy! The only problem with that candy is that it makes me sleepy and I wake up with a sore butthole, but who can say no to free candy? It's free candy!
Another thing that I've noticed is that people who have had a lot of traumatic experiences are the ones who are usually doing the offending; I've probably already offended a lot of people. We have thicker skin I guess. I don't mean to offend anyone, but some people are just going to be offended, and it's not my responsibility. That's the point. It's not the offender's responsibility to change their opinion or what they say. They are allowed their opinion, no matter how wrong you might find it. I should be allowed to think my stupid thoughts just as much as my smart ones. If I want to know your opinion of what I say, then I'll ask, but otherwise, no one wants everything they say to be criticized. Are we so immature that we can't just ignore people? Seriously, just ignore people. People can be dicks sometimes, so it's best to learn to ignore their asshole comments. I've been called all sorts of stupid things by all sorts of stupid people. Even if everyone around me told me that I was ______, that doesn't make me ______, the only thing, in my mind, that makes me ______, is that I believe that I am ______. I use your opinions as useful information as how to interact with you, but I don't use it to tell me who I am. You don't define me; I do.
However, no one wants to live in a society where everyone puts each other down, so we request that others change what they say. If I don't like it when someone calls me an asshole, then I might say, "please don't call me an asshole. I preferred to be called, Sir Jonathan of Awesomlandia", but I know that they might still call me an asshole. I know that I can't control other people's behavior. I can't force people to act right. What I can do is inspire them to change. Telling you that you are an asshole, because you didn't call me the right thing that I want to be called, isn't going to inspire you to change, because I have made you into my enemy. I want to turn you into my ally, so I must inspire you to call me something else. Perhaps trying with, "here's what I want to be called and why". If that doesn't work, then figure it out, but, either way, you just be patient that the person will eventually come around, or it's not worth your time.
Schools do have the ability to tell people what to say and not to say. The issue of trigger words is a big problem, because now teachers and students are forbidden from using certain words. The problem is that there is no word that is bad or should be stricken from any curriculum. The only thing that needs to be adjusted is the context. For instance, one can discuss the words 'nigger' or 'faggot' to discuss the history of oppression that is associated with those words. It would be pretty hard to teach a course about discrimination in America and not even discuss how people used labels to oppress others. You see, I'm not calling anyone any of those words, but I am discussing the words themselves. I'm not being insensitive; I'm being academic. If we don't teach about assholes, then how will you stop people from being assholes?
Really the issue here is boundaries; where we set boundaries and whether where we are setting boundaries overlaps where others are setting their boundaries. I have a very strong boundary that says that I can say whatever I want. You may not like it, but I, as a comic, need to have the freedom to say stupid things, so that I can figure out not to say those things. I also have a legal right to say whatever I want, but I'm not a cop, so no snitching. I also have boundaries about how I expect people to speak to me. My boundaries are that they can say whatever they want to me as long as they are not intentionally trying to hurt anyone's feelings, lie, or be manipulative. If someone doesn't want me to call them something, then I don't call them that.
The thing that really bothers me is when someone assumes that I am privileged, and talks down to me because of it. Just because someone has some privileges, does not mean that they are privileged overall. We all have some advantages, but that doesn't mean that the sum total of their advantages out weighs their disadvantages. For instance, I am a white male, but I could also be really, really fucking stupid. No matter what color my skin is or what gender I am, most people will have massive advantages over me. Again, just because I'm white does not mean I had a happy-go-lucky childhood. I grew up poor. I grew up with domestic violence. I grew up with drug abuse. On top of all of that, my parents are Deaf, so I grew up with a drastically different culture, one that has been oppressed more than most people will ever know. Just because I'm a white male doesn't mean my life is all peaches and gravy (or whatever people eat). Yes in some ways my life is easier, but that doesn't mean I approve of that or am unaware of those advantages. Basically I don't like people assuming shit about me.
We need to put everything in context. No one is simply white or black or male or female or Christian or Jewish or fully abled or disabled or gay or straight or bisexual, but instead we all have unique experiences that influence who we are. We don't want to stereotype all white men as having the same advantages, because that is not necessarily true. Also, even if my life was advantaged, that does not mean that I can't or don't understand your struggle. However, because my life has been full of struggle, I am able to empathize. To assume that I don't or can't empathize is to both assume that I am an asshole and that my life has been better than it has. To assume someone doesn't appreciate your disadvantages is to not appreciate their own disadvantages; as we all have disadvantages.
By trying to be more sensitive, people have been more insensitive, because they are swinging too far to that direction. More so, it acts like I am the bad guy just for existing. When someone says some shit about my privilege, then I say, "I'm sorry for existing." I think what they assume is that I don't know about and appreciate the disadvantages that are built into the system for certain types of people. Of course I don't know about all of the disadvantages for all people, because almost no one can know that, not you, nor I, but that doesn't mean that I don't know anything about this particular issue. Motherfucker, I read...
The real reason this is important to me is because I am a comic, so I want to be free to say what I need to say to develop my comedy and my mind. However, I don't want to constantly have to deal with someone getting mad, because they think that because I'm white I can't possibly be able to discuss racism on stage. The thing is, even if what I say is offensive, I won't say it again if it doesn't get laughs. I also won't say it again if I think it is mean spirited or divides the audience. I'm not trying to make enemies, but I am trying out new shit. Just consider everything that I say and write to be a rough draft. I may not feel that way tomorrow. Usually when someone gets offended by what I say, they usually make up some story in their head that goes something like, "he is purposefully trying to be insensitive", or "he doesn't respect _____", or whatever. The truth of the matter is, that if I offend you, then I did so by accident, and I strive to love and respect all people.
I guess that's a good second post... I'm probably going to get hate mail...
Love & Justice for all!
-Jonathan David
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